A hundred pictures of a cat and my night as a Japanese Hostess

The last couple of days have seemed like forever, I have to keep reminding myself that it has only been 4 days. The reason this is so, is because I have mainly been hanging with the parents and children. I have more or less been sitting in the house with them, trying to communicate in Japanese. To my surppries I actually remember more then I did when I lived here. It all must have sunk in and stayed without me trying, pretty awesome The last couple of days have been spent, messing around on the internet and taking a million and one different pictures of the kitten the family own. The kitten is like a good sunset, it doesn’t matter how many pictures you take, there is an even better one a minute later. Being held up in the house has its pluses, I am finding my Japanese has picked up a great deal because when I try to speak English to them, they have no idea what I am saying, so I need to repeat it in broken Japanese. I am also learning more nd more about Japanese home life and the relations. Its amazing, every bowl, cup, plate, chopstick has a puropose and place, I cant help with the setting up of meals because I have no idea, what is for what and I don’t want to look like a stupid foriener any more then I do.

Wednesday night I managed to break free and go to have dinenr with my Japanese friend. She said that her friend would buy us dinner and this was my first experience of more or less being a Japanese hostess. She had met this guy at a hostess bar she had been working at and they had more or less become friends for a price. It seemed we were on a paid date and he was very excited to see me, he seemed very nervous and was very jumpy, getting up, sitting down, on his phone etc. He kept saying dirty stuupid jokes in Japanese to my friend which she didn’t want to repeat. That night I learned that if you cant understand what they are saying, it is best not to answer yes to everything. At one stage he asked if I could stay with him that night and I answered yes, once I saw they excitement, I asked for the translation and changed my answer to no. I am also pretty sure, he had a semi at one point, the whole thing was pretty crazy. He bought me sake after sake and I got pretty drunk, so all in all didn’t mind the situation.Before we were about to leave they were making fun of my friend for being the age that she is, I asked if it upset her, which it did. They were calling her an old lady and I told her not to listen to them because it’s a bit rich coming for a guy who needs to pay for a girls company. After he gave my friend $50 bucks to go home and that was that, my first experience of being a Japanese hostess.

Please understand my sense of humour

This is a disclaimer for most of what I write. I can not be held responsible for any of it and most of what I write should be taken light heartedly . I appologise in advance to anyone I offend, I dislike you all equally, there is no discrimination. That is all

Day 2

Today was a mystery tour. Mystery because my friends don't know enough English to inform me where we are going. I have to go with the flow and work out what we are doing along the way. I am pretty much at their mercy.

Along the way they took me to an Onsen, which is a Japanese hot spring in the buff. They are pretty awesome if and when you can get over the Obasan's (old Japanese women) staring at your goodies. At one stage, I surrounded by them, they were taking about me staring at my breasts, just had to go with the flow.

That afternoon we went to a shrine located at the top of a mountain.There seemed to be a million stairs up to the top. I walked up there with the father who does the Japanese thing and takes a million photos of me at various stages of the walk. My smile got more and more fake the higher we got.

Once we returned, I went in search of money and found that my Master card was not accepted. I guess the Visa card add was right, it is more accepted around the world, dam you TV for being right! I even tired to get money at a 7-11 and realized it was a machine for getting store points. Slightly embarrassing.

By night time I was so tired I went straight to bed, too much fun for one day

Japan all over again

I dressed for the best of both worlds on the plane as I knew I would be going from the dead of winter to the heart of a humid japanese summer. I had on a maxi summer dress, footless leggings, a pull over thick jumper , a scaff and a pair of thongs, making a wonderful miss match of contradicition. The flight was what I expected and not all that great, I somehow remember Quantas (or CUNT-AS S as the Japanese prefer to say) to be better than it was, it could however be, that in the past I always saw air travel to be awesome no matter what form, as it was taking me somewhere but I doubt this was the case, I think it was just shit and don’t even get me started on the movies. The flight flashed before my eyes, I got on, had my second dinner for the night, downed a couple of drinks and popped a valium. All was well untill I was woken at what would have been 5am Sydney time in a haze of valium, the lights were well and truly on and some man was shouting something about a vego option for the breakfast special at my row. I felt like asking for a champaign and orange juice but I somehow knew it wasn’t going to happen.

I have never really associated the smell of places with memories but it was crazy how much the smell of Japan bought back so many memories and feelings, it all flooded back over me as I left the plane. Japanese customs was so unbelieveably easy apart from beging finger printed and having my eyes scanned, apparetly it is forigniners doing crime, not the Japanese. Being at the bag carisal made me remember how much Japan is over staffed and regulated, making sure no one gets hurt. There is always a person doing any little job possible and this time was no different. A guy was hired to hold a sign on the carrial stating that you must check your number ticket with your luggage. There were signs everywhere and yet they even had to have a man standing with a sign just in case you didn't understand. On the way to my friends house I also saw a man standing with a red flag beside on accident, it was obviously an accident but they had to have a guy there just in case people didn't see it. Anywhere you go in Japan there is someone to guide and instruct and to make sure you don't kill yourself. I think they should put more people at the train stations during peak hour.

It was a little bit of a shock walking outside, mentally I knew it was going to be hot but my body had not yet caught up. It kept expecting it to get fucking cold at any moment, like I was temporally in a hot room and that I would have to face the cold soon. I went into operation cool down once outside, taking off my jumper,scaff and leggings, changing into a pefect instant summer outfit and that’s when I noticed my cankels, it seems I am prone to swelling.

My friends came to greet me after around 5 minutes which was great, its always nice to have people waiting at the airport for you, it makes you feel loved and welcome, unlike the other times in my life. In fact I think thats why I travel, to have some one there to pick me up, literary and emotionally and not just at a bar.

The whole car ride to my friends house I kept thinking how stange it felt to be back in Japan, it had been 3 years and that seemed like a life time ago. Absoutly nothing had changed, not even my friends or the house they lived in. I forgot what it was like to talk to people who know enough english that they can have a conversation but a lot of the time they have no fucking idea what you are saying and so give you the answer they think is correct to the question they guessed you asked. I would ask something like “has it been very hot this summer” and the response would be “We will eat at 7”. I have also given up at jokes, satire and sarcasm. Another time I tried to tell them I keep looking for my shoes because I am not used to them being by the door and a few minutes later I had been given a pair of shoes. My friends also have a 6 year old and a 8 year old and they have not yet grasp the fact that I don’t understand a fucking word they are saying. It gets super weired when they ask me something and I reply ‘Arigato” (thank you), the look on their faces is pretty funny, they don’t know how to respond, I think they think I am retarted.

As the day wraps up, I sit submerged in a hot Japanese bath, cankels still present, happy that I can take this journey down memory lane.